Friday, 04/17/2026
Oversea
The Confession Of Buddhist Ding Jia Lei
Update: 03/11/2015
Ding Jia Lei said: “I also have daughter and I hope she will not make mistake like me. I make mistake it is because I before did not know how to become a virtuous girl, a virtuous woman and did not keep well the marital moral principles.â€
She continued: “When I was young, my parents also taught me to keep well myself and should not lose myself but I did not want to follow with the thinking of my parents’ words were outdated and feudal idea. Time is changed and the old thinking should be liberated to follow the feeling of doing whatever we people want and without caring of consequence. After graduating from university for one year I got a boyfriend and took sex with him. This man later became my first husband. At that time I asked him first. He then reminded me “This is an important affair, do you think of it carefully?†But I was sunk in desired feeling and lost myself. Indeed, the core matter was I had not loved myself, had no responsibility to myself and did not keep well a girl’s duty.â€
There was unexpected matter which Ding Jia Lei had never thought of was the changing of her boyfriend’s attitude. He said: “You’ve broken up my best time. When you don’t respect and protect yourself, don’t hope to be of it from othersâ€â€¦ The taste of sexual relation just likes sweetly covering the bitter drug. The sweet is fugitive and leaves the bitter long remain. Unfortunately, Ding Jia Lei was pregnant and then living in a state of suspense. She scared that people wouldfind out therefore she got loss of hair during the time of acting film.
Finally, she decides to give abortion. She expresses: “That feeling looks like someone with knife and deep cutting your hand then using nipper to tear it in pieces. It’s so much suffering…. I, at that time, lay on the surgical table in the state of powerless and poorness. Over twenty years old, this is the first time I got the feeling of deeply shame.â€
However, the first mistake did not awake Ding Jia Lei. After the wound just healed she totally forgot the first bitter taste. “I like watching sex film and my mind always covering by debauched images; therefore. it is strange if nothing happens.â€
After getting marriage, when her husband has long-time mission; then, she intercourses with a married- man to satisfy her desire and getting the second pregnant. “I come to see him. He keeps silent quiet long then asks me: “It’s mine? If you can have sex with me, you also can do with anyone. You yourself decideit and don’t come to see me anymore.†Her mind was empty at that time, just overflowing her cold tears .
She then gives abortion in secret. This time, after aborting, she had to move to the northeast to act film. She spent the whole day in the cold weather of under 400C. She knelt on snow. The water from snow melted absorbs into the cotton pants and makes her fierce pain in belly. People take her to the hospital but this one is small and they can help nothing but injecting pain-killer to her. “Action film has finished when I go to Harbin hospital to check out and they let me know that I get subacute pelvic cavity inflamed, now changed to chronic. It’s difficult to heal and I may suffer from it for the whole life. This is the consequence of aborting. This disease, since that time until now, always makes me suffering. When I feel tired or catch cold or even just hungry, I get fierce pain. Besides I also have many diseases as endocrine disorder, stomachache … All these diseases follow and make me suffering. It serves me right for all mistakes created by me.
Then Ding Jia Lei confessed to her parents about the abortion. “My parents was extremely angry and supposed that I was a shameless one and I would get retribution for my deed. They were really disappointed with me when I had killed my child. My father even slapped himself because of without offering me a good education. My husband, after coming back and getting this news, he made legal separation before divorce.
Ding Jia Lei had another remarriage. This time her husband got along with another woman. “I feel as my coming to the hell. It is called sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind. The cause and effect show in front of me and I can’t blame anyone. The way you treat others will be the same you will get…
It takes eighteen years from the second divorce. I alone fed the two children. I really got the feeling of retribution and therefore I had to be patient to bear this suffering. I was wrong in becoming the third person who broke up other’s happiness and made my parent’s hearts broken. This is an immoral thing which you certainly should not do.â€
Ding Jia Lei explained: “Today many people suppose that having abortion is a normal thing. Indeed, this is the way to cheat yourself and other because it leaves a lot of after-effects and negative effect to pregnant woman even it can lead to sterilization. Ever year there are 70.000 people who are killed of giving abortionin the world. “I now really repent. If I get accident when giving abortion, then how can my parents live? That is great filial impiety!†She speaks while crying. She further shares, there is gynecologist that told her that the before people at the age of 50, 60 may be get hysterocarcinoma, but the age get reduced and reduced. The young girl at the age of 20 or lesser also can get hysterocarcinoma because after we give abortion, the virus gets more chance to enter the uterus. This is an aweful thing!
“When I look back my half-life before, I recognized that the beginning of a matured girl is really important. Once making mistake, her whole life will be repentant. The girl must well keep the virginity and try to avoid the lustful things. If we love and respect ourselves, others also will love and respect us. Respect oneself is the way to find the honest lover who will care and protect you all your life.
My whole life has no man who really loves me. This is my fault. I did not love myself and first make mistake. On both duties of a girl and a wife, I was lost;therefore, I got the bitter fruit. The youth nowadays accept open mind of modern society, regardless many social problems as sex before marriage, fall in love in one night, adultery…The final consequence is that I am very depressed. My body is of many diseases and will be in lonely at the end of life. This truth just comes from my own life.â€
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